WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
