The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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