I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
