Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
