This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
