Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
