I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
