That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
