I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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