No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
