you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
