i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found puke in my bra..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
