the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
