i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
