I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
