Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
