He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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