seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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