last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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