Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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