and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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