The best revenge is premature balding
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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