please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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