Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
