Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
