my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
