why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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