Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
