tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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