there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
should my penis look like a turkey
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
