I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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