No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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