Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
