he told me I talked like a deaf person
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
