Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
