Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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