You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
