road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
