he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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