my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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