So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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