Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
