I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
