we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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