so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
