Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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