he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
