He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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