Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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