The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
