so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
