Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
